I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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