I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
