and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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