somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
