so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
