Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
