I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
