Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
