Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize