Soap is not a condiment
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You've changed since you got that strap on
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
