I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Dear god my vagina.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
