well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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