I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
