All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
