I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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