did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
