Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
