i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
