You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
