Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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