Your dad touched me again.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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