Already got asked if we're dating
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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