____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
