She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
