I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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