shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
