you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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