so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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