now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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