My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
