She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
