Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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