Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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