Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
