consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
