I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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