If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
