I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Sext me about skeletons
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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