Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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