We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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