Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
