i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
