If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
