I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
