I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize