obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
