I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My dick has a subreddit
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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