Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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