I can tuck mytits in my pants
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize