you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
