Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
