"it" just moved
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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