You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
