I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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