Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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