You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
