Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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