how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
