there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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