saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
