Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
