people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
