i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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