He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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