Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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